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Autophagia

by Kisos

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1.
Bloodshot 03:02
Bloodshot eyes, 9 to 5 Up all night can't stop crying The more I try, the more I fear Will anything ever become real Serpentine maze of walls  Between dimensions Stubborn defenses Slowing down to a crawl Has anything I've ever done mattered Wait up I'm stuck in the moment  Hold up I'm frozen in time And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot eyes I can't stop making excuses Demon directly behind  And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot   One more night of wondering What life could bring if I use my light Shut off my brain, what's the use Ripples refuse to recreate  A fragment of my past No happiness I've ever known Will ever come back Solitude in the crowd Silence is the only sound allowed Wait up I'm stuck in the moment  Hold up I'm frozen in time And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot eyes I can't stop making excuses Demon directly behind  And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot Erase forevermore the life i lived before I can't revive that soul Faded approximations, forcible purgation How can I feel whole? Slowing down to a crawl Has anything I've ever done mattered Wait up I'm stuck in the moment  Hold up I'm frozen in time And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot eyes I can't stop making excuses Demon directly behind  And when I see my reflection Focus on the bloodshot eyes
2.
[Verse 1] Out of sight, out of mind Sorry I don’t have the time It’s their problem not mine In my world everything’s fine Don’t understand why you are terrified Cuz I read in the headline He tried to put up a fight And those kids at the borderline Ship em back they’ll be alright Follow the rules they’re justified [Pre-Chorus] When they say stop, you stop Now tell me what’s so hard ‘bout that? When they come ‘round, get down No questioning or talking back, oh [Chorus] You leave us crawling, crawling, crawling Crawling away Don’t recognize the human face That suffers under the gun Now we’re all bleeding Cuz you bite your tongue [Verse 2] You think you’re one of the good ones But you’re silent when the time comes To speak up for something in light Work at your little non-profit To ease your guilty conscience But without your hashtags Would you fight to save a life? Or would you leave us… [Chorus] Crawling, crawling, crawling Crawling away Don’t recognize the human face That suffers under the gun Now we’re all bleeding Cuz you bite your tongue [Bridge] You bite your tongue You bite your tongue Yeah you’re silent You bite your tongue You bite your tongue It’s awful quiet You bite your tongue You bite your tongue Yeah you’re silent, Oh [Chorus] You leave us crawling, crawling, crawling Crawling away Don’t recognize the human face That suffers under the gun Now we’re all bleeding Cuz you leave us Crawling, crawling, crawling Crawling away Don’t recognize the human face That suffers under the gun Now we’re all bleeding Cuz you bite your tongue
3.
Transience 03:14
[Intro] I wonder where you've gone I wonder where you've gone [Verse 1] I can't take another transition Grief shooting spines through my chest Every time I think I have it figured out The house crumbles down where I rest And I can't take another procession A wave as the car pulls away A teary-eyed hug on the street corner A picture perfect image up in flames [Chorus] Cuz all I do is miss you Visions turn me sensеless Your laughter in my ear Your touchеs in transience All I do is miss you Visions turn me senseless Your laughter in my ear Your touches in transience [Post-Chorus] I wonder where you've gone I wonder, I wonder where you Where you, where you, Oh I wonder where you've gone, Oh I wonder where you've gone [Verse 2] Solar return shook me down to Earth Waking up into a nightmare Everything I thought I could rely on Was any of it there? Assumptions and comforts left me unaware The snap of a finger, fall into despair Try telling myself that I'll be okay But can't handle when life's not going my way [Chorus] Cuz all I do is miss you Visions turn me senseless Your laughter in my ear Your touches in transience All I do is miss you Visions turn me senseless Your laughter in my ear Your touches in transience [Post-Chorus] I wonder where you've gone I wonder, wonder where you you've gone I wonder where you've gone I wonder where you've gone I wonder where you've gone
4.
verse Breathin heavy, thinkin’ of your face Like you never left me Crying in your wake Still regretting The things I couldn’t change And now your absence Drills holes into my brain prechorus And i hope you know I did All that i could for you But even my best Wouldn’t have saved you Everynight i ache to wake up to your touch But at the sunrise Realize you’ve left us chorus Now there’s a hole Im sinking deep into the hole You left behind Now there’s a hole Im sinking deep into the hole You left behind verse Vibrant spirit Extinguished in a flash Your open heart Confined to box of ash Dim projections Flitting through my mind Another hourglass of time Would never suffice prechorus And i hope you know I did All that i could for you But even my best Wouldn’t have saved you Everynight i ache to wake up to your touch But at the sunrise Realize you’ve left us chorus Now there’s a hole Im sinking deep into the hole You left behind Now there’s a hole Im sinking deep into the hole You left behind bridge Cuz how could you go Leave me alone Tears in my eyes Flow out from my soul How could you go Leave me alone Tears in my eyes flow out from my soul outro Now there’s a hole Im sinking deep into the hole You left behind
5.
caretakers 00:49
6.
verse1: i’m missing something my vision’s blurred Spinning my sense In a world upturned Choking on things I had to prove These lies that filled the tomb Denyin i was dying spiraling to find the truth pre chorus: Won’t self-cannibalize I’ll photosynthesize I’m desperate to survive chorus Won’t let you bury me alive No longer feasting on my mind Slowly recovering my sense of wonder in order to get back from 6 feet under Cuz now Im getting back from 6 feet under verse 2: I'm full of something I can't explain Nurtured the healing Blooming from the pain Thought I was losing everything Refusing who I am Confusing where I've been with everywhere I'll ever be pre chorus: Kinetic energy flowing inside of me I’m fighting for my peace chorus Won’t let you bury me aliiiiiiiive No longer feasting on my miiiiiiiind Slowly recovering my sense of wonder in order to get back from 6 feet under Cuz now Im getting back from 6 feet under bridge If everyone returned to artifacts and favorite memories Sipping lemonade swinging underneath the oak trees Playin hide n seek, catching crawdads in the creek Paying forward all the love that you ever received chorus Won’t let you bury me alive No longer feasting on my mind Slowly recovering my sense of wonder in order to get back from 6 feet under No longer feasting on my mind I guess I’m doing just fine

about

Autophagia is a fancy word for eating yourself alive. But as a wider term, it's your body's natural process of recycling out dysfunctional or damaged cells to regenerate new, healthier cells. Honoring that which you must lose, to start anew, and become stronger than before.

The music is inspired by the collective psychic trauma of the pandemic, isolation, brutal attacks on human rights, and the more personal side of losing loved ones. It's a diary of desperation and depression, but eventually reaching healing and hope.

Dedicated to all the people who have loved me and held me throughout life, and the new generation sprouting from that love.

credits

released July 28, 2023

All music, lyrics, instruments, production, mixing, mastering by Kisos except:

Bloodshot- prod by Kisos & GESS, mix/master by Gavin Bradley
Six Feet Under- written by Kisos & Pinky and Clementine

Art by @hyprjuice aka Pim Janssen

special thanks to Abe Duque for additional audio engineering guidance, plus Tina, Mickel, Audrey, Mike and all my family and friends for the constant encouragement and support.

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Kisos New York, New York

Music to break your heart & heal your soul.

ps i livestream on Twitch too @itsKisos just can't fit all my links below hehe

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